Burn Out

"Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky, I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home"

-Michael Buble

It is June 29, 2010, and I finally feel like I've hit a brick wall. The past four days have been some of the most challenging days in a very long time, and for the first time since I've been to California I feel kind of homesick. I realize that this would be a challenging experience, and I am extremely grateful for the opportunity/ies that I have had since I've been here. However, I miss at least being in the same time zone of the people I really need to talk to. Of course, everyone has been very encouraging and there to talk to for the past few days with all of the emergencies that have gone on; however, I always feel like I can't completely say what I'm feeling/thinking (or I have phrase things very carefully) because at the end of the day, I'm always at work, and the people around me are my supervisors, supervisees, and co-workers. I just really miss being able to call my family/Kelsie/JHag/Dustin/Andy/Caitlen/Hope/Tiffany/Lindsay/Angie/Kristin/Aaron/Gary, etc. at any time without worrying about them being awake when I actually have time to talk. What really sucks too is that even if I 'took time off' here to escape work, I can't really because I don't want to be by myself but I don't know anyone on the west coast (well enough) to go stay with them.

Today sapped the last bit of emotional energy from me, as my co-intern and I had to address some major problems that were occuring within my staff. By nature, I hate confrontation and having to do that infront of around 20 people (who I've become very good friends with) was draining to say the least. By the end of the meeting, the mood was tangibly negative and I really had to just go lock myself in the office and have some time to myself. Perhaps its a chronic need to be liked by others, or just knowing how bad it can feel to be confronted by a superior? Either way, I guess it was a good growing experience, professionally and personally. I do hope at the end of the day, that my staff knows that I absolutely adore them. They are an amazing group of people, and are a large part of why I have loved my time here so much.

Alright, I'm tired. Cheers...